I Stood at the doorway to a memory

I stood at the doorway to a memory I haven’t been to in while,

It’s a place where pain and joy live together,

As I stood there, my mind wondered if I should step in,

Knowing that the moment I do, I may not be able to find my way back.

I had closed the door on this memory when pain took over, and nearly killed me

So I found it strange that I would find myself here again, wanting to go in,

Maybe I thought I would just stay for a moment and remember the joy, before the pain knew I was there. Or maybe I just wanted to feel that wonderfulness I once felt, even if it meant I suffer the pain along with it,

It hasn’t been long since I left that memory, and I don’t even know if I am strong enough to handle what waits for me there, the day I closed and locked the door was the day I said I would never go back, that I needed to leave that door and its memories behind me,

But here I stood, holding the key, not knowing why I was here, yet yearning for that memory.

As I opened the door pain greeted me, as if I had never left, its fragrance was strong, and as tears filled my eyes, I searched for the joy, wanting to hold it in my heart one more time, wanting to feel its gentle kindness and love, but much to my dismay, I could not find it, and pain was all around, I quietly left before pain knew I was gone.  will I ever go back to that memory, who knows, maybe with time, but for now, ill leave the memory were it is, locked safe in a place where it cant hurt me.

By DF