The Year 2011

As this year ends, I reflect on what the year brought to my life, I wish I could say it was a great year, full of love and happiness, but it was not. The year started out with tremendous loss, pain, and heartache. Some of it due to loved ones passing away and some of it due to some walking away, but loss never the less. These losses took me to a place in life I had never gone before, a place full of darkness and despair, there were times I didn’t think I would live threw it , and times I didn’t want to. I could not see passed the pain, and  I can remember spending weeks barely getting out of bed due to the fact I just could not cope with the hurt, This pain was both physical and emotional, the kind that knocks you to the ground and would not  let you go. I know that everyone handles hurt differently, and maybe to some people they would have not felt the same way I did in my situation. Pain is pain and we all feel it and we all go threw it, and I believe the level of strength does not depend on how much hurt your are dealing with, I believe the  level of strength has to do with the people that are there for you during your most trying times. During this time, I had friends and family that were fighting for there life, some fought and stayed, and some fought and left, God needed them more than we did. It was the strength of these wonderful people that helped me get threw what I was going threw, even if they never knew. It was the love of family and friends that knew me better than I knew myself that stepped in just at the right time. To them I say thank you, my life would not be the same without you. You brought me out of the dark and it feels wonderful to feel joy and happiness again, and so, as this year comes to an end, I know there will always be heartache and pain, that is life, but I also know that the ones that truly love you can help you get threw it. Depression is real and it should not be overlooked, I look forward to what the New Year was to bring, with great hope and great anticipation. My life and its journey continue on.

LETTING GO

Most of us have experienced a loss of some kind. For me losing something makes me automatically tighten my grip on the things I still have. But what I have found is that when it’s time for something to leave my life, it is so hard to loosen my grip and let it go. I have had to “let go” of pretty much everything lately. So here is my thought…. What if we don’t hold things tightly or with a closed hand? What if we just held our hands out open palmed? Then what landed in our lives would be what was meant to be and when something took flight because it was time for it to leave, there would be no fight to “let go”. Maybe we should freely allow the ebb and flow of life to bring things and take things at will. It doesn’t mean that we can’t hold things precious; it just means that we are to let it live freely in our palm of life and enjoy its presence while it is there and when it leaves, trust that something else will come along and take its place. It may not look the same, but it will serve the same purpose. ~ Me

A Real Man

A real man is a woman's best friend. He will
never stand her up and never let her down.

He will reassure her when she feels insecure

and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never
thought she could do; to live without fear
and forget regret. He will enable her to
express her deepest emotions and give in to
her most intimate desires. He will make sure
she always feels as though she's the most
beautiful woman in the room and will enable
her to be confident, sexy,
seductive, and invincible.

A Reason, A Season or A Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.... They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

What Is Love ?

And finally she asked herself the question, "What is love?" For it is more than merely passion flowing, more than just emotion's gain, more than the sense of flesh on flesh. And it seemed to her as if she were asking, "What is God?" or "What is creation itself?" Yet now it seemed to her that this was the question she sought an answer to all her life.

So now, at this point in time, she queried, with all the varied experiences she'd had, what could she truly say of love? For one, it is an opening of the heart, so very hard to describe. It is compassion, yet it is self-interest too. It is giving, yet it is receiving. It is caring, yet it is letting go, saying yes and at times even saying no. It is to empathize, yet to realize another must learn to feel for themselves. It is a mother's nurturance, and a father's tenderness, yet it is also a mother's insistence and a father's authority. Yet it is even more somehow. It is order, yet it is chaos too, that then brings a new order, but then chaos will always come again, won't it?

So perhaps she could say one thing of love - that it is cyclic, like nature, or like the ocean's ebb and flow, the tides moving in and out in their own rhythm, in their own season. Love is the peace of nature and the storms of her fury, the warmth of a summer day and the coldness of the deepest, darkest winter night. Love is the flower opening out, yet the passing of its innocent beauty too. Love is life, breathing itself, creating itself, destroying itself.

Love is forever, of that she is certain. Yet can anyone forever be love? Love is commitment, yet love is also a setting free. Love is personal yet universal. Love is mind and heart and body and soul, all at once somehow, so love is also totality, is it not?

Love is thought-provoking, yet without thought. Love is having everything and knowing nothing, yet it is knowing everything and having nothing too. Love is the closeness of togetherness, and love is the solitude of isolation.

Love is inspiration, intuition, joy. Yet it is also heartbreak and loneliness and solitude. Love is the trembling excitation of newness, and the shaking of the grief of loss. Love is a slow and steady pace, yet too, it is the exuberance that makes us want to run and dance and sing. Love is ecstasy and misery, sureness and confusion. Love makes us feel as if we could do anything, yet love also makes us feel like nothing at all at times. Love is being light-headed and dizzy, yet love is feeling heavy and as if about to die. Love is the slow and steady heart, yet the flutter of its racing too. It is freedom, yet it can also be the bars of a prison found deep within, can it not?

Yes, love is all of that… Yet still there is an illusive answer on the wind that she hasn't quite caught, so she sits in stillness, and moves as she must, and waits for its arrival. For once the question is asked, sooner or later an answer forms out of the everything. And now she wonders if perhaps love is everything - all that we feel, and all that we think, and all that we sense - even all that we are. In essence, undefinable then, for love is life itself, the path of many windings, the foot upon the path, the movement and the stillness, the taking in and the letting go. Love is the illusive moment of now and the memories of yesterday and the longing for tomorrow, all at once.

But she has that uneasy feeling that always comes before the answer, so still she waits, while waiting has always been the most difficult of all for her…

Love is ageless and timeless and without dimension, yet love is here and now in this moment of forever. Love is ancient and new and ever-becoming. Love is what we always and ever and never can have, for love is dynamic. Love is the worth and the meaning and the quality of hope and hopelessness. Love is the glory of enlightenment and the darkness of unknowing.

Love is the white lotus of the seventh chakra, the brightest, deepest red of the first, and all the many, varied hues that are forever creating yet another shade of beauty in between. Love is the high note and the low, played at once in harmony, the crescendo, yet the deepest chords resounding. Love is expression, yet non-expression too - a cacophony and symphony of composition.

Love is the sleeping and the dreaming and the waking. Love is real and yet invisible, felt and yet the deepest mystery. Love is existence and its annihilation. Love is the question and the answer ever changing. Love is what we want to do and have to do and refuse to do. Love is pain and comfort too, the illness of disease and also its healing. Love is the beauty of perfection, yet the difference of disfiguration.

Love is the height and the depth and the width, yet love is immeasurable. Love is darkness, love is light. Love is emptiness and fullness, the yin and yang - forever and always distinct yet flowing within and through and with each other. Love is the yearning for life and the illusion of death. Love is continuance in time and time's obliteration. Love is its own beginning and ending and becoming.

Perhaps the only answer then, is this: Love Is. While in its allness and in its nothingness, we simply need to let it Be - in us…

A Love Letter

As you, attach your eyes upon me

From your pedestal so grand

I am on bended knee heart held still

I bay at the gods and ask what I have done as a man

To have a woman so beautiful and graceful as you

The song I sing of love in my heart will know no bounds

From your pedestal so grand

To me on the ground to the depths of the ocean

My love ever reinforced by your delicate presence

The day you crossed the threshold into my life

I resonate my love and joy rising

I eternally relinquish to you so grand

written by Ron Teague

this was written for me a few years back. i just have always thought it was so beautiful..

On Friendship

On Friendship
By Kahlil Gibran (a chapter from his book, The Prophet)
And a youth said, Speak to us of Friendship.
And he answered, saying:
Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.
When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the “nay” in your own mind, nor do you withhold the “ay.”
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.
And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

this is just so beautiful..

I AM

I am a daughter, A sister, A grandaughter, a niece, A cousin and a friend,
I am a partner, A student,
A young girl and a grown woman,
I am confident and scared,
I am terrified and excited,
I am loving and caring,
Yet thoughtful and hopeful.

I am sick and tired,
I am shy and friendly,
Careful and careless,
I am broken yet whole,
I am misunderstood, misguided and Mislead,
I am hardworking and determined,
But a little scared on the inside.

I wish on stars and dream my dreams,
I pray to god and cry my tears,
I smile on the outside while I am dying on the inside,
I listen to others who won't listen to me,
I walk on egg shells and I walk on fire,
I believe in passion But not true love,
I love you yet I push you away,
I want you but not so close,
I am everything and nothing all at once,
and yet,
All I want is for you to love me.

Love... what a wicked game.

What happens when you fall in love with someone, who doesn't love you back? What are you suppose to do? Logical wisdom would suggest to move on. Move onto what, though? It's easy being on the outside looking in when saying that. It's easier to move on from someone when that passionate flame burns out. They say time heals all wounds. What if time has passed, but it's only glorified those wounds? That my friends would describe love. What a wicked game for them to play. To make you fall in love with them and to not feel the same.

No one is above or below love. Love can hit all of us and make everyone vulnerable. You can't beat it and you can't hide it. The more you try to fight it, the more it hurts. When you happen to fall in love, perception and reality can be two different views. Love should go like a fairy tale in your mind. You think since you feel it, everything will fit into its place. However, reality and love can be a hard thing to grasp. Sometimes that person just isn't in that same state of mind. That is a painful thing. It's easy to lose all confidence and hope within yourself. It makes you feel a lot of pain. Not only can it seem to be that you can't be with the one you love, but it makes you feel like something is wrong with you. However it may feel, it's probably not that way at all.  Falling in love isn't about being a great person. The most horrific, rotten, evil kinds of people in this world are capable of being loved. If the glove fits, then it must be a match.

Love stings everyone and can spread to everyone of us. You see a happy couple walking down the street. Or loving couples snuggling up next to one another in a movie . You think to yourself, they look like they're in love. They look so happy. They look like they don't have any problems in their lives. Why can't I have that? For every snuggle, hug, and kiss only tells half of the story. For everyone of those, there also was tears, anger, heartache, and especially pain involved as well. Where there is love, there will always be pain. When you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back, then it's just the pain to go through.

Committing to someone is the scariest emotional aspect for a person. Getting cheated on is painful. Dealing with a breakup is hard. Dealing with someone who you love, but who doesn't love you back? Forget about it! That tops them all. That is just wickedly cruel! It might not be cruel with intentions. It's totally and completely not the other persons faults. It's still wickedly cruel! They just don't understand, since they're not in love. They also can't control how they feel.

What doesn't kill you will make you stronger. I like those words. Those words should remind people that it's okay to get down. It's alright to feel a bit vulnerable and scared at times. Sometimes you'll get beat up a bit in life. It will really knock you down for a bit. That's okay, it can happen. Then one day, you're going to get up. You're going to get a bit meaner and tougher. You're going to give life a real butt kicking back. Then you'll tell tell yourself this. I might get knocked down, but I'll never get knocked out of the game. Keep your dignity and let these moments humble you as a person. They say scars are the road map to the soul. A lot of the pain and adversity you deal with in life, can help shape you into a better person. Pains and feeling weakness helps you grow into a stronger person,

Giving your love to someone shouldn't be looked as a bad thing. Rejection hurts and there's not one person who isn't capable of receiving it. What has happen can honestly happen to anyone. Just because someone isn't in love with you, doesn't mean they honestly think something is wrong with you.

It's hard trying to pull yourself from someone you love. When you're in love

You accept them for who they are. You have to if you love them. You adore the person they are and you kind of don't want to forget them

Maybe it will take time. Maybe you'll never fully get over them even. Love can be a hard feeling to push aside. If you accept reality, and accept everything for how it is, then it can help you move on at least.

MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER

When you were little
perhaps two or three
dressed in your crown
of ‘joie de vie”

You’d chat for hours
about all that you’d do
life was your stage
awaiting its cue

Off you would run
wind in your hair
seeking adventure
and those who would dare

Follow your lead
in search of the stars
conquer your quest
of never too far

Now a young teen
your passion remains
to discover adventure
touch and attain

Yet the world is much bigger
with many a foe
so be safe in your travels
wherever you go

Take my love with you
pocket your pride
and I will continue
to pray Gods by your side..

IF MY SON

If you can keep your head when all about you
are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
but make allowance for their doubting too;

...If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
or, being hated, don't give way to hating
and yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
and treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
and stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
and risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
and lose, and start again at your beginnings
and never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
to serve your turn long after they are gone,
and so hold on when there is nothing in you
except the will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue
or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
with sixty seconds worth of distance run,
yours is the Earth and every thing that's in it,
and - which is more - you'll be a man, my son!

All debts must be paid

When my white wings turned to black,

The realization was clear,

I've fallen out of favor,

When the light abandoned me,

As the darkness crept in all around me,

It lashed out and bound me in chains,

The predator sunk it's venom into it's prey,

Despair was it's poison.



When the happiness in my life was sapped,

And the sorrow flooded in,

I knew my life had been rendered a sin,

Even though I have been abandoned in darkness,

I still seek out the light.



My shackles and chains never were the type to shine,

They are in the mind and even though I can move,

I am as helpless as a child without it's mother,

Merely a prisoner without a warden,

Left in this jail to roam without an exit,

As the light in my soul fades to black,

So does the sparkle in my eye,

A fate accepted, a promise made,

In the end, all debts must be paid.

Just a Thought

I want to strip you down to nothing, destroying all your pride, love, and self worth,

 Leaving you with nothing but confusion and pain and as you stand there

With tears in your eyes and a heart so broken you cant move,  I want to leave you there, alone, to deal with it, to handle it, to figure out how your going to live, with nothing, then I’m going to leave knowing I did this to you and I'm not going to feel anything, not remorse or sadness or even giving a fuck about what I did to you, I wont look back to see if your alive or dead, and as the months go on, you wont even be a thought in my mind, I will have moved on to new things and new people, because you see I already took everything I wanted from you, you have nothing to offer me, and to be quite honest you never did. I used you for my own selfish needs and if it wasn't you I’m sure it would have been someone else you just happen to be there at the right time, then Ill tell you one more lie before I go , and that we will always be friends, that way I know I will cut you to the bone, because Ill be leaving knowing you will think about me and miss me even after I did this to you because you are just that stupid, and if you do ever cross my mind I will laugh about how I got away with what I did to you, and how you now have to try and pick up the pieces and move on, as if you could. I will pride myself knowing how badly I hurt you. Someone who gave unselfishly, that truly loved me and wanted nothing but the best for me, I will go on living and I will never give you a second thought. These are the things I want to do to you…. NO Wait… These are the things YOU DID TO ME.

Even Now

Even now when I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why it's still so hard without you
Even now when I come shining through
I swear I think of you
And how I wish you knew
Even now

Even now
When I never hear your name
And the world has changed so much since you been gone
Even now I still remember and the feeling's still the same
And the pain inside of me goes on and on
Even now

Even now when I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why it's still so hard without you
Even now when I come shining through
I swear I think of you
And God I wish you knew
Some how
Even now


for rt

Foolish Friendship

Today I stopped trying to be 'someone' for somebody who never thought of me as anyone appreciated and important to them.

Inside I know the space I had for them is now crushed and broken...

Let the facts be out in the open and the truth be spoken...

In time it will be for the best...although I feel an emptiness...knowing what I considered worthwhile..proved shallow and unreal.

I've learned sometimes emotions seem clearer than perception..and eventually can lead to a heartbreaking revelation that someone cherished proves that their friendship was in fact deception.

I cry tears of realization that once again I believed the lies that were in disguise and covered up...

Honesty was masked with coy flattery. Why was I so darn naive?

I can and will move on...but I won't forget I was forgot and actually believed a lie. Not a lie out of the mouth...but of the heart.

That piece of friendship is now many torn apart....

I mustn't be sorry for the encouragement and love I shared...because I know what I offered was itself a dare. A dare to let someone be a part of me...who didn't find a reason to care.

Moments like these are rare... moments that I feel what I felt to be 'nothing' now and bare.

Thanks for the lesson learned...and always remembered. You were a 'lucky' someone who successfully got a part of the best of me. Now I'll throw away the scattered and useless pieces and leave you be.

dollface.

Going With Flow

Switching gears is absolutely needed sometimes, whether it’s letting go of people, careers, bad habits or anything that is emotionally draining or hindering you from getting to the place of your greatest potential. Sometimes it’s not easy but essential to complete and fulfill our greatest dreams and purpose. To not simply exist but to live a life of true happiness letting go is sometimes part of the process but remember appreciate it all and be thankful all while understanding that some things are here just for a season.

To whom it may concern

You’re just a memory now

Like a warm thought on a cold day

I wonder how you are

And it makes me sad that you went away

I know your still there

And I feel you sometimes

It makes me smile

When I think about your sweet eyes

I’m glad I was there for you when you needed

And that you have found the life you lost

I miss you sometimes

But that’s what friendship cost

Take care of yourself

And never forget

You have a life long friend

One I hope you don’t regret

 by DF

If you were busy

If you were busy being kind

Before you knew it you would find,

You’d soon forget to think it was true
That someone was unkind to you.

If you were busy being glad
And cheering people who were sad,
Although your heart might ache a bit,
You’d soon forget to notice it.

If you were busy being good
And doing just the best you could,
You’d not have time to blame the man
Who’s doing the very best he can.

If you were busy being true
To what you know you ought to do,
You’d be so busy you’d forget
The blunders of the folks you’ve met.

I Stood at the doorway to a memory

I stood at the doorway to a memory I haven’t been to in while,

It’s a place where pain and joy live together,

As I stood there, my mind wondered if I should step in,

Knowing that the moment I do, I may not be able to find my way back.

I had closed the door on this memory when pain took over, and nearly killed me

So I found it strange that I would find myself here again, wanting to go in,

Maybe I thought I would just stay for a moment and remember the joy, before the pain knew I was there. Or maybe I just wanted to feel that wonderfulness I once felt, even if it meant I suffer the pain along with it,

It hasn’t been long since I left that memory, and I don’t even know if I am strong enough to handle what waits for me there, the day I closed and locked the door was the day I said I would never go back, that I needed to leave that door and its memories behind me,

But here I stood, holding the key, not knowing why I was here, yet yearning for that memory.

As I opened the door pain greeted me, as if I had never left, its fragrance was strong, and as tears filled my eyes, I searched for the joy, wanting to hold it in my heart one more time, wanting to feel its gentle kindness and love, but much to my dismay, I could not find it, and pain was all around, I quietly left before pain knew I was gone.  will I ever go back to that memory, who knows, maybe with time, but for now, ill leave the memory were it is, locked safe in a place where it cant hurt me.

By DF

I am to blame

It is I and I alone, that is to blame

I use to blame you for my broken heart

When all along it was I that needed to take the blame

I trusted you

I believed you

I believed in you

I over looked your character

I over looked your indiscretion

I let you in my heart

I befriended you

I wanted to see a man of integrity

I wanted to see a man of love, and honesty

I wanted to see a man full of hope and goals

I was caught up in your charms, and your words

I wanted to give you my heart

I didn’t think you to be the kind of man

That would break a heart like mine.

So it is I that is to blame

So you see

It is what it is.

by DF

Gone

As it was storming yesterday, thoughts of someone came to mind... I thought about how I looked forward to talking to him and with just a text how he made me smile.  I thought about how that’s all gone now and I wonder why... Like the storm this friend came into my life unpredicted, wild and crazy pouring out every feeling he had, gloomy and scared, not knowing what he was going to do or even where he was going.. I tried to be an umbrella for him. A safe haven, someone he could trust in a time of uncertain, I thought I was that for him. I’m sure I was that... but as the sun came up and the storm was gone, so was he, as the sun came up on his life and as things stared to get brighter and better, he had no need for the shelter of our friendship, he didn’t need that safe haven anymore..  It makes me wonder why he was even brought into my life, just to leave it as quickly as he came to it...  but then with each storm that comes along I know why,, because at the time, this friend of mine need me, needed a friend to wait out the storm with,, all I can do now is hope for the best, and hope that when the next storm comes into his life, he will remember the friend that was there for him, waiting out the storm with him.

by DF 

la mia cotta

il mio cuore duole per lui

Mi manca il suo tocco

Mi manca il modo in cui mi ha baciata

egli non saprà mai che cosa significa per me

solo una cotta

Direi che è questo che fa tanto male

 by DF 

Anywhere But Here

I held onto you for as long as I could but today

You fell away

Now what I hold are the memories we barely made

I stood on the edge of your bridge until I felt the rain

Push me away

My confusion left me fast as the vertigo came

What I believed to be true it was only a dream
Believed in me

I just projected it over your beautiful screen

I self medicated my way through this mess that we made

So I could stay

There was nothing, but I waited

I waited

This was my mistake
Broken are plans we made
So I will be traveling any place
Cause anywhere's better than
Here we rest in peace
Rubble beneath the feet

I shouldn't have followed you anywhere
Cause anywhere's better than here

Where is the space I could move, where could I rest my head
There's nothing left for me here
It's hard to leave behind
The one thing that made me feel alive
So I slide
From paranoid to paralyzed

This was my mistake
Broken are plans we made
So I will be traveling any place
Cause anywhere's better than here

This was my mistake
Broken are plans we made
Here we rest in peace
Rubble beneath the feet
I shouldn't have followed you anywhere
Cause anywhere's better than here



Thanks to Myke for these lyrics.

Just love this song,,,  That's all

PLAIN

Plain was the same as it ever was the same.
Plainly plain...
Samely same...
But then...someone lit the flame.
Plain rode away on lion's mane.
Where plain met fruits with strangely names.
Such wonderful things they did contain.
A shot of life to a hungry vein.
The captive beast who broke the chain.
And there upon that fruited plane,
is where plain became what plain became.
So much more than more than plain.
Plain will never be the same.

By unknown

ANONYMOUS

I am anonymous

I am that reply

I am that one you wonder who it is

I view your life and others unknown

I say what’s on my mind

I say anything I want

I come and go as I please

I do as I please

I am everything you want

I am nothing you need

I am that fantasy

I am that bad dream

I get under your skin

I get on your last nerve

I am what you can never have

I am yours for the keeping

I am anonymous

BY DF

A Storm is like a Lover

A storm is coming, and as I wait, it reminds me of a lover,

Unpredictable, and wild, never knowing how it’s going to go.

I love looking at the storm, how it consumes me, how it intrigues me,

The smell of the rain reminds me of the smell of his skin

The soft whisper of the wind sounds like his soft sweet voice, whispering in my ear.

And how the lightning lights up the eye of the sky,

And the thunder in his kiss,

The cool breeze feels like the cool chills all over my body, with each soft touch of his fingers.

Not knowing when the storm is going to end, wanting it to last through out the night,

But the storm is only here for a moment and that in the morning he will be gone,

So I wait, wondering when the storm will come around again.

By DF

OH THAT GUY

Remember that guy,, you know, the one from high school, that guy you went to school for just to look at him, good looking, great smile, good personality,, untouchable, unapproachable, because you just knew that if he smiled at you or even talked to you (god for bid) you would just melt into a puddle of drool right in front of him,, Yea That Guy.. you couldn’t wait to get to class because he was sitting in the next chair in homeroom, looking all good, smelling all good, and you would  turn away with shyness  if he even slightly looked at you,, which he was probably only looking out the window, but of course in your teenage fantasy mind. HE was looking at YOU; I like to think about that guy once in a while. Thinking how silly I was to be so shy around him, when really all I probably had to do was just say, hey how’s it going. And hoped I didn’t turn into a puddle of drool if he said Hey back. And even maybe once in a while throw one of my cute little smiles at him, (I do have to say, I have been told I have a great smile) just saying. I wonder what he would have thought, or done if I had the nerve to do that, funny thing is there was guy like that at my school. SO CUTE, with a smile that would stop you in your tracks, and one time he did talk to me... Ill never forget it, he said “you sure are looking cute today” and what do you think I did... YUP... I melted into a puddle of drool... but I waited until he couldn’t see me. .   Years later I got to see THAT GUY from high school.. still oh so cute, still had a smile you could die for.. BUT,, this time I was not shy.. but, I still melted into a puddle of drool. :)


by df about vw

The eve of this birthday

On the eve of this birthday, I stop to think about all the birthdays before this one,, some fun, some sad, some I don’t remember, due to, too much fun, but each year there was always one thing I looked forward to,, my mom and I would always send the best gifts to each other.. You see my mom’s birthday is only a few days after mine, but this year is going to be different, with my mom passing away, I’ll miss sending her favorite flowers to her. And I'll miss getting mine from her, I'll miss talking to her about how things in my life have been going. And getting her good advices, we had talked about planning a trip to Vegas together for our birthdays this year, something I was so looking forward to, but just knowing that I cant pick up the phone and call her, and hearing her voice on the other end, always saying how beautiful the flowers are that I had sent, and her saying happy birthday, and us laughing about how old we are. That i'll miss the most. Its has been a very difficult month for me for sure, and I have missed my mom so much,, I still will,on her birthday this year, pick up her favorite flowers and tell her about what is going on in my life, and tell her happy birthday. There is so much I miss about my mom. But this special time, I miss the most. Love you Mom.

The Women I am

IF YOU TOOK THE TIME TO REALLY LOOK AT ME, SEE ME, HEAR ME, YOU MIGHT HAVE FOUND OUT  THAT I WAS MORE THAN JUST A MOMENT. MORE THAN A LONELY NIGHT, MORE THAN SOMEONE YOU CRYED TO WHEN YOU COULDN’T FIND ANYONE ELSE, THAT I HAD A HEART, ONE I FREELY GAVE, THAT I WAS A EAR, ONE THAT TOOK IN EVERYTHING YOU SAID, AND KEEPED IT BETWEEN US THAT I WAS A SHOULDER, STRONG ENOUGH TO LET YOU LEAN ON, THAT I WAS A LOVER, ON NIGHTS YOU NEEDED, THAT I WAS A FRIEND, WHEN FRIENDS WERE FEW.  BUT I WAS ALSO A WOMAN, ONE THAT FEELS, LOVES, CRYS, NEEDS, THAT’S THE PART OF ME YOU OVERLOOKED, THAT’S THE PART OF ME YOU NEEDED TO SEE. THE WOMAN, THAT WAS STRONG, YET WEAK , WEAK FOR THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE, WEAK FOR THE FEEL OF YOUR TOUCH, WEAK , FOR ONE MORE LOOK IN YOUR EYES,  THE WOMAN WEAK TO LET YOU IN HER HEART.. BUT STRONG ENOUGH TO LET YOU GO...

By DF

Talk about a Generation Gap

So Funny... My son and I were looking at my old record albums.. and he was looking at one of my 45s.. and asked me how do you change the song on this to another one,,i said " its a 45 there is only one song on it" he looked confused and said : Oh i thought it was like a CD, that it had more than one song on it.. then he said.. " hell i wasn't born in 1964 how am I supposed to know that. HAHAHAHA.. OH MAN DO I FEEL OLD !!

I guess you can say the 45s were the itune downloads of yesterday. HA

Out of sight out of mind

The meaning of absence makes the heart grow fonder, or out of sight out of mind.

When I think about it, it makes me wonder, has everyone been both, I know I have been a “heart grows fonder” to some and I am defiantly an “out of sight out of mind” to at least one. But think about it,, how sad is that,  that you could be a “ out of sight out of mind” because at one time or another, you were to that person someone special, someone they thought of and wanted to be near, and now you’re their “ out of mind” when I think back to the ones that has been in my heart one time or another, I still, from time to time think about them, so I guess, even though they may be “ out of sight” these people that I have at one time  put them in my heart, will never be a “ out of mind” there should be another saying for these people,, the ones you loved, cared about, thought of on a regular bases ,but maybe just don’t see anymore, for one reason or another,,  but to be “ out of sight out of mind” well I guess it depends on who you are and what kind of character you are. That you could put someone in that category. The thing to think about is this, you may have someone that is your “out of sight out of mind” but you may be their “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. so before you just forget people that at one time you wanted, just think you could be someone’s “ out of sight out of mind” when they are your “ absence makes the heart grow fonder”

Nobody

Nobody sees you as you're walking down the halls towards the cafeteria
Nobody acknowledges you when you're getting your book from the rack in your science class
Nobody hears you as you raise your hand and ask what the answer is again
Nobody sees how beautiful your blue eyes are or how your hair has natural highlights or how your freckle's go from the bottom of your eye to pass over your nose to the bottom of your other eye
Nobody understands why you feel so strongly about your decisions and why you feel like you need to express them
Nobody gets why you always seem to have a smile on your face on some days and on other days you just feel so sad and hopeless that you just feel like crying
Nobody

By EM

The Beholder

What hides behind the eyes of the beholder is more than the eye can see

Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, they say

Beauty and pain

Though the beholder can’t see what the heart deceives

Knowing the pain the beholded will bring

Leaving devastation and despair

The beholded leaves without a thought or a care

As the heart grows weary and colder

Beauty still LIES in the eyes of the beholder

by DF about vw

The Voice of Despair

I heard a voice full of despair “come get me”

I whispered I’ll be there

As the flight took me to a place I didn’t know where

I heard the voice “come get me”

I whispered I’m almost there

As I came upon the place the voice had led me

Only the shadow I could see

I fell in despair

The voice was not there

I still whispered I’m here

I was too late.

by DF, 

The Road

There’s a road I’m traveling that I did not choose to go

Force to take the steps to the unknown

No light at the end, only emptiness shown

A place where pain and sorrow lives

Where hearts go to die

A cold and dark place where the only word spoken is good by

Each step I take brings me to my knees

Begging and pleading that the end didn’t have to be

But my fear is nothing compared to the one whose road I’m traveling

For when the journeys done

There will be peace and rest for the one.

by DF for my mom

IF

If I were the rain.. could I ever merge with someones heart, like the way rain merges sky and earth, never meant to connect never meant to know.

If I were the sun.. could I ever tear someones soul like the way the sun tears the night only for it to return blacker, darker than the time before knowing through this time of darkness and despair, light will always return.

But if I were a soul.. could I ever belong to someone, like the way a heart belongs to a body, and the way love belongs to a person, only for that love to be lost in the sea of hearts.

If I were the rain.. could I ever merge with someones heart like the way rain merges with the sky and earth, never meant to connect, never meant to know.

                                                                                                              by GMD